Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
