i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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