i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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