Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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