I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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