if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
