i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
