1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
