I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
