my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
