On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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