You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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