One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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