I seem to have left my pride at pride
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
