Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nutella sex= disaster
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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