do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
