if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
