After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
