I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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