my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
True college students do jello shots in the library
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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