We're like a lot better than the average bears
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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