The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
