I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize