Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize