actually, I'm a sock model
someone owes me an orgasm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
