Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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