Don't you send me to vm
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
