Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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