He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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