my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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