if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
