maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i came on her dog
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
