this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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