there's paper in my vomit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
