I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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