my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
