I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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