Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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