Jerry, you need to find god
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
