I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
