It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
