There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
