What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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