i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
