Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
