apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
