so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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