I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
