I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize