on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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