just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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