ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize