Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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