she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
