Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
