i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We are two peas in an std pod
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
