a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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