True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this hospital has no fireball
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
