the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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