Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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