Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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