you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
