i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
