The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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