We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
