Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
