I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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