Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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