Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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