I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
