Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize