Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
