I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
